matchmakre
by dawn in the fields
Summary: how to seduce someone in five easy steps. »[soriku][AU][for Celisse]


Disclaimer: erryeah. of course I own kingdom hearts. totally. -coughcoughcough- (for those of you who cannot distinguish sarcasm, I don't own KH)

Warning: really horrible writing, shonen-ai, cliches to no end.

Dedication: Celisse, this is for you. x3

* * *

----- & ♥ step one: find someone to like 

'Kairii…' Sora whined, slumping over on the table. 'Axel rejected me.'

She blinked. 'Not another one? Jeez Sora, do you really need a date that badly?'

He raised his head. '…yes?'

She sighed. 'Well, who else in the year have you not asked out? The only hot guys I can think of left and Roxas and Riku, but they're going out. And there's the fact that Roxas is your twin brother, of course.'

'Why is it that Roxas gets all the guys and I don't?' Sora complained. 'What does he have that I don't? Well, aside from blond hair.'

Kairi snorted. 'All the girly gay guys fall for jerks. Riku just happened to be the lucky girly gay guy that Roxas decided to go out with.'

'Your point being?'

'Unless Roxas and Riku break up, you've got no chance with Riku.'

Sora cursed.' Shit. Why does my brother get to have the best looking guy in the university?'

Kairi chuckled. 'Aww, does little Sora-la have a crush on Riku-la?'

'Shut up. So what if I do? He's hot.'

Kairi laughed. 'If you say so.'

-----& ♥-----

Sora was lying on the bed when he heard the door slam shut downstairs. Poking his head out of his room, he managed to catch Roxas storming up the stairs and into his room. The brunet opened to door to his twin's room.

'What's up, Roxas?' he asked cheerfully.

'Riku and I broke up,' he grumbled.

Trying to not cheer out loud, Sora managed to control his voice and ask, 'Why?'

Roxas shrugged. 'We just kinda mutually lost interest in the relationship. I'm thinking of asking Axel out later, though…'

'So does that mean I can go ask Riku out?' Sora asked, half-cheerfully.

Roxas shrugged again. 'He might be kinda sensitive right now. This _is_ Riku we're talking about.'

-----& ♥ step two: become friends with them

Sora looked out the window, being bored and counting the number of people outside it, when suddenly a _certain_ silver-haired green-eyed _freakinghotguy_ came into the class room. Spying the telltale silverhead from the corner of his eye, he whirled his head around so fast that he nearly cracked something.

Gathering his stuff up, Sora immediately moved to sit in the empty seat beside Riku, despite the fact that there were many other empty tables scattered throughout the room. The other looked at him strangely.

'Aren't you Roxas's brother?' Riku asked directly.

'Yes,' Sora answered simply.

'Why are you here anyways?' Riku said. 'You don't seem like the type to be sitting with me, you know.' It was true. Riku was your stereotypical black-and-red gothic type. Sora was just 'heck, whatever's in my closet I'll wear'.

Sora paused for a minute, trying to decide on what to say. 'Err…well…Ilikeyouandgooutwithme?'

Riku blinked. 'Repeat that? I didn't really catch it.'

The brunet sighed. This was _probably_ going to be harder than he thought. 'Do you wanna go to the arcade after classes?'

Riku shrugged. 'Sure.'

-----& ♥-----

'Hey, Riku, are you okay?' Sora asked. 'You seem kinda down.' It was true—the taller one had been a little quieter as of late.

'Nah, it's nothing,' he assured. 'Just a little depressed from breaking up with Roxas.' He laughed. 'I'll probably be back on the rebound sometime soon. Gotta get myself a boyfriend.'

Sora blinked. 'Really? Interested in any guys, lately?' he asked, teasing.

Riku blushed slightly. 'Well, maybe just kinda really…Axel?'

Sora frowned. _Oh. Shoot. Darn._ 'I see.'

He looked curious. 'Any specific reason to why you're asking me this, Sora?'

He shook his head furiously. 'Nope! Not at all! Ahaha…'

Riku looked unconvinced. 'Whatever you say.'

-----& ♥ step three: get rid of any potential rivals

There was a knock on the door. Surprised, Roxas looked up from his gaming magazine. 'Come in,' he called.

The door opened, revealing Sora standing there with a serious expression on his face. 'I think you should go out with Axel,' he announced out of the blue.

Roxas merely raised an eyebrow. 'And what brings on this onslaught?'

Undeterred, Sora plowed on with his explanation. 'Riku said he might be interested in Axel, so if you go with Axel then Riku's got no love interests left. Then I can go ask him out and cue the hot steamy sex.'

Roxas sighed. 'You're so manipulating. But whatever. I already asked Axel out this morning in case you didn't know, retard.'

Sora went through a mood swing nearly as fast as Selphie's talking speed after five bottles of Mountain Dew. 'Yay! I love you, Roxas!' he squealed, rushing across the room to hug the other.

'That's nice Sora, I love you too. Now get off, you're strangling me.'

That was a rather easy step three, wasn't it?

-----& ♥ step four: get them to go on a date with you

'Kairi, how am I going to ask Riku out?' Sora was currently pacing a hole in the living room of her apartment, as Kairi looked on unsympathetically while systematically highlighting sections in her history textbook.

'Just go up to him and say it, for gods' sakes. He's in nearly all of your classes,' she said for the fifty-six millionth time or so.

'But that's so unromantic!' Sora complained for the fifty-six millionth time as well.

Repeat cycle. Pace, pace, answer, protest, pace, pace.

Finally, Kairi got frustrated enough that she dropped the textbook and highlighter and threw her hands up. 'I don't know, Sora! Just go, like, propose to him at his balcony or window! Like Romeo and Juliet, or something!'

Sora immediately perked up at hearing this. 'Ohmygawd, that's a perfect idea, Kairi! Thanks!' He hugged her quickly and then dashed out the door to execute his already-forming plans.

First Roxas and now Kairi. It seems Sora was getting help from a lot of people lately.

-----& ♥-----

Plink.

Riku looked up from his book, peering around to find the source of the mysterious sound. Seeing nothing, he dismissed it as a tree branch against his window and went back to reading.

Plink.

Plink.

Plinkplinkplinkplink.

…alright, this was too much to be a branch. Marking his place in the book, he stood up and opened the window.

Thunk.

Okay. Most important thing he learned today—getting a rock square in the forehead isn't pleasant. Moving on.

'Who the HELL threw that?' he yelled somewhere into the night.

'Oh my god—I didn't mean to hit you, Riku!' was the answer that came up from somewhere below his window.

'Sora?' Riku said, seeming quite amused at the sight of his friend standing underneath his window and waving his arms frantically. 'What are you doing here?'

'Well, I was trying to get your attention, but then I accidentally hit you, but what I'm really trying to say is…ah crap, I can't do this…alright. Riku, I love you, okay? Will you go out with me?'

Riku raised his eyebrows, before shutting the window. Sora visibly drooped, seeming depressed.

Until the back door to Riku's house opened right by his ear.

'Come in, will you?' Riku asked, smiling.

'Thanks.' Sora replied, grinning as well.

-----& ♥ step five: tell everyone

'Riku and I are dating,' Sora said breathlessly from Roxas's doorway.

Roxas raised an eyebrow—he hadn't expected Riku to find another boyfriend that fast. 'Congratulations.'

Sora grinned cheerfully. 'Thanks. Say, how's it going with you and Axel?'

Roxas smiled slightly. 'Pretty good.' The smile disappeared. 'Now get out of my room.'

'Ahaha. My bad. I'll leave now…'

-----& ♥-----

'So,' Kairi said conversationally, 'I heard you and Riku are…going out?'

Sora laughed. 'Yup, we are!'

She grinned. 'Who have you told?'

Sora counted on his fingers. 'Ehh…you, Roxas, Axel…that's it?'

Bad idea. Kairi got a slightly crazy gleam in her eye. 'Well, I'll tell Leon and Cloud and Selphie and everyone so don't you worry about that, okay?'

Sora blinked. Oh dear. Knowing Kairi, the whole university would know by tomorrow.

Oh well. He had a date with Riku tonight, anyways.

-----& ♥ optional step: retract gossip spread throughout community

* * *

AN: CELISSE, I AM SO FREAKING SORRY YOU GET THIS CRAP FIC FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. TTxTT At least it's Soriku, right? That's gotta be worth something? 

Written in one hour at eleven PM on little sleep and no food. Bad idea. Remind me never to do this again.

Yes, the title was meant to be spelled weirdly like that. A little originality in this sea of unoriginality.

I hate this fic with a passion. The writing is horrible and it feels like I smooshed several cliche Sorikus into one 1231 word one-shot. It's got all the cliches--Soriku, Akuroku, univerities, Kairi as a friend, gothic!riku and innocent!sora, Roxas as relative--you name it, this fic has probably got it. It's got bad grammar, horrible characterization and really bad sentence structure too.

I had such a hard time making the sentences flow right, I'm too used to present tense second person POV now. xD this sucks ass.

I'm proud of the hearts, though.

But yeah. Happy birthday Celisse, okayy? X3 (you won't mind if I take this off fanfiction dot net in a few years, will you?)


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